Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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