I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
we should paint friendship bongs
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
