She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
