u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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