I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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