ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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