I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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