woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
