No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
