i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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