My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
