omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
