I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
