I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
