I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i will never coherently bang her
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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