Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Houston, we have a squirter
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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