Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
