It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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