He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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