I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
