my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Houston, we have a blender
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
