i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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