as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
