Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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