Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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