you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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