there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I have already put on my inside pants.
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