I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
