wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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