4 words: hood of his car
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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