i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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