Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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