your room smells of hookers.
And success
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize
