I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
