I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
