so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
True strength comes from lack of pants
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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