guys are only as good as the porn they watch
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
