Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
