I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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