We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
