No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
