I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
