i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
