i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
