i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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