that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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