I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Randomize
