Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
