I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
