I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
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