her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Randomize
