I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
