Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
