my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
